Quantcast Trilogy Pics - 3 Movies You Should Watch Tonight: AUGUST 2006 - TRIBUTE TO "USA UP ALL NIGHT"!



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Aug. 2006 Trilogy Pics:

A Trilogy Pics Salute To USA UP! All Night

My parents and Gilbert Gottfried are largely responsible for my perpetual insomnia and love of horror films. Growing up my parents imposed a strict 9pm bedtime (with a weekly 9:30pm exception for “Doogie Howser MD”) on school nights. Not that I ever slept much anyway with them letting me rent gems like “Friday the 13 th, part II” from the local video store, and allowing my childhood literary favorites to become titles like, “Cujo” and “The Dark Half”. Oh, what I wouldn’t give for a normal childhood, growing up on “Ninja Turtles” and “Goosebumps” books. Never mind, besides the delightfully “R” rated media that I was allowed access too, I was also allowed one small luxury: Absolutely no bedtime on Friday and Saturday. I mean, as a kid I was totally stuck on low-budget late night horror television. Everything from “Forever Knight”, the short-lived NBC anthology series “Ghost Story”, reruns of “Friday the 13 th: The Series”. My favorite late-night programming however were the awful, “Vault worthy” crap cinema classics shown on cable network USA.

Sure, sure, USA wants you to believe its all Emmy-worthy programming these days with its “Monk”, “The Dead Zone”. All good shows, mind you, but I miss its chintzy days. “The USA Cartoon Express”, which was this 2-3 hour block of cartoons that someone pulled out of Hanna and or Barbara’s trash bin, was worthy junk TV. So was it’s woefully inept “Club MTV” knock off, “Dance Party USA”, which was an all-big hair, totally 80’s dance-o-rama. There were the crap made-for-cable films like the Joanna Cassidy vehicle “Wheels of Terror”, a film that ripped off “Duel”, “Christine”, and “The Car” and also the only horror film I know that stars a driverless, child-molesting 1974 black Dodge Charger. Neat!

They also had a weekend late-night line up called “USA Up All Night”. It was probably one of the last great late-night movie programs. The show was hosted, if I remember, on Friday night’s by Gilbert Gottfried, on Saturday, by Rhonda Shear. In between the movies, they’d host various skits, sadly the only one I remember was Rhonda Shear’s Date With Jason Voorhees. As funny and goofy as the hosts were, it’s the movies from “Up All Night” I remember most. So this month the trilogy pics are 3 of my favorite films that used to pop up fairly frequently.

So, New York, I’m your host, Mike C. and you’re watching USA “UP!” All Night. This week on Up All Night first we have “Eat and Run”, followed by “Neon Maniacs”, and finally, for those of you still awake, it’s “A Polish Vampire In Burbank”

Eat and Run:

Ron Silver…the man spends the early part of the 80’s working with legendary director Sidney Lumet. He pals around with Oscar winning actresses Meryl Streep and Cher in “Silkwood”. Then, in 1986, he does a turn in this absolutely bizarre horror-comedy. An outer-space creature named “ Murray” ends up in NY. Murray eats Italian. Italian people. This is the one big joke in the movie. Murray is an extremely obsese alien played by R.L. Ryan (The Toxic Avenger, Street Trash) whose first encounter on Earth is with an Italian cab driver that he, well, eats. After that he’s stuck on piasanos and it’s up to Ron Silver to stop him. If I remember correctly, this movie somehow involves a zeppoli stand, and a heroine laced drug dealer. Haven’t seen it in years, but it’s absolutely worth tracking down if you can.

Neon Maniacs:

This one actually scared me. When I was 7. It doesn’t hold up so well, because it’s one of those things where you get the movie stuck in your head, and you change the plot around so it fits your demented idea of a good movie. Except when you’re 27 and you see it again you think to yourself, “Ah, crap, what the hell is this shit?”. So, the movie I saw when I was 7 was about these creatures that lived under the Golden Gate Bridge. Really nasty bastards that would come out at night and kill you up real good. Then they’d steal your body and you’d become one of them. They were also allergic to water. Ok, so here’s the movie “Neon Maniacs” actually is: These alien creatures live under the Golden Gate Bridge. They come out at night and kill you something fierce. They don’t steal bodies. However, they’re still allergic to water, except now I don’t quite understand why they’d want to live under a bridge. They’ve never seen “Signs”, apparently. Still, it’s got some pretty nifty gore scenes in it, like a girl getting decapitated while giving a hummer, and the last reel when the maniacs break into a prom or something has some memorable shots. It’s also got homicidal aliens being dispatched by water pistols, so there ya go. Swing away, Merrill!

A Polish Vampire In Burbank:

If any film captures the spirit of the crap that USA Up All Night showed it’s this one. From the inappropriately long title featuring a monster and a location (see other Up All Night classics such as “Beverly Hills Vamp”, “A Nymphoid Barbarian in Dinosaur Hell”, Cannibal Women in the Avacado Jungle of Death”, “Sorority Babes in the Slimeball Bowl-O-Rama”), it’s also so deliriously low-budget it was shot on 8mm and for a measly $5,000. Still, it’s not that bad. It’s even got Eddie Deezen (“Grease”, “Assault of the Killer Bimbos”). And it’s about…well, read the title. It’s silly, lots of bad puns, but if you’re looking for some classic NO-budget 80’s nonsense, if you got a thrill out recent crap like “Jesus Christ Vampire Hunter” this is the movie for you. –mike.

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