Trilogy Pics:

Wow. Long time since I wrote a trilogy pic. Sorry for the absence.

Dead Men Walking

Fairly frequently during the 80's and early 90's you'd see a slew of movies with almost the same plot come out at the same time. There was the body-switch trend (Vice Versa, Like Father Like Son, 18 Again), there was the school/academy trend (Police Academy, Stewardess School, Hamburger: The Movie), the shitty dance movie (Lamba!, The Forbidden Dance). Kind of like what happened last year when “The Illusionist” and “The Prestige” opened within weeks of each other. The horror genre's own contribution to this peculiar phenomenon was the host of “Executed Killer Comes Back To Haunt The Cop Who Stopped Him” movies. Goddamn the devil was busy makin' deals on Death Row from 89'-'90. There were quite of few of these made, but we're going to focus on the just three of the better know films of this type: “Wes Craven's Shocker”, “The Horror Show”, and “The First Power”.

Shocker:

Horace Pinker (great name, best part of the movie) is a serial murdering TV repairman. Make a mental note of that “TV repairman” part, it's important. He ends up killing the family of Lt. Don Parker, who has been investigating the case. Parker's son Jonathan has this psychic connection (in his dreams) to the killer and helps his father locate him. He's sentenced to die, but sells his soul so he can come back and (Ding, ding, ding! 80's horror gimmick alert!) haunt and kill people through their TV sets. He takes over their bodies and continues his murderous spree until Jonathan can find a way to stop him.

This was one of those terribly obvious attempts to breakout another “Freddy Krueger”-like character. This is also part of Wes Craven's post “Nightmare on Elm Street” period, and they weren't exactly the salad days of creativity for him. Poor Wes, after “Nightmare on Elm Street”, he was hired to write and direct several of these obvious, and very cheap, franchise start-up wannabes (“Deadly Friend”, “Chiller”). The film is purely by-the-numbers and you get the sense throughout that Wes' heart just wasn't in this one. I write this a lot, but “Shocker” plays out like they skipped over the first few films in a franchise and started right off with “Shocker IV”.

“Shocker” isn't all bad news. Horace Pinker probably would have made a great horror villain if Wes took the time to develop him a bit more instead of making a big joke. He's played fairlywell by Mitch Peleggi and Jonathan is played by Peter Berg, who has gone on to make a name for himself as a director. There's also some value in “Shocker” as an example of the end of the 80's horror boom. Oh, and Ted Raimi has a small part. You can't hate a movie that's got Ted Raimi.

The Horror Show:

Lt. McCarthy catches “Meat Cleaver Max”, a serial killer, and stands as a witness when he is executed in the electric chair. Now it seems that Max is back, still killing, and haunting his—whoa, sound familiar? Instead of being gimmicky and haunting TV's, Max's spirit is gimmicky and invades McCarthy's house and dreams.

“The Horror Show” was actually released a few months before “Shocker” (it was also released outside the US as “House III”, it is unrelated). It's actually not that much better a film than “Shocker”, but it's is a probably a lot scarier, and much darker. The late Brion James, in one of his few leading roles, plays Max, and unlike “Horace Pinker”, he's actually menacing. It's said this was one of his favorite roles. Lt. McCarthy is played by Lance Henricksen, who is great as the tormented cop. What makes this one different and a little bit better than “Shocker”, even though it's essentially the same movie, is there was a much better attempt to take the premise and the horror seriously. It's not really played much for laughs. The first time I saw “The Horror Show” I remember my father commented, “Now...that was a scary movie”, it's probably the only time the man ever said that. Nearly 20 years later, it's not that effective on me, but look for this to pop up on cable sometime, otherwise it's really hard to find.

The First Power:

Rounding out the “Executed Killer” films is 1990's “The First Power” and if it wasn't the last the last of these films to come out within a year, I'm sure it would have gotten a little more respect from critics. It was the best performing of all three of these films at the box-office, but that was probably due to the still twinkling star power of Lou Diamond Phillips. He will be playing the part of our tormented homicide detective tonight. Of the three movies in this month trilogy this is my favorite and probably the best one.

The story by now is familar: A very nasty killer, Patrick Channing, is stopped by LAPD Officer Russell Logan and executed in the gas chamber (see, different already), but it seems that Patrick is back and he's taking over bodies, and killing again.

“The First Power” succeeds in getting a few things right the others didn't. First, it's played as a straight horror film. We got the dead guy coming back, but he's a much more violent, frightening character than our other two villains. The film doesn't attempt to explain too much about how Patrick came back, but we know he was a Satanist and made some deal. There's no cheesy FX sequence showing his spirit moving around. I liked that about “The First Power”. Also, the police procedural aspect of the film is played out much better than in “Shocker”. It's darker, it's nastier, and it's all works as a horror film. You can catch this one easily on DVD. -mike c.

GREAT DIRECTOR/ BAD HORROR FILM

The horror genre gets a lot of crap from its critics. It's often assumed by those that don't appreciate the genre that horror films are low-art and hence easy to make, anyone could do it. Of course, we know that a good horror film that scares its audience has an effective atmosphere, and a compelling story is just as hard to make as any Oscar-winning drama. December is the last month of the year, and often sees the release of many of Hollywood's Big Oscar Movies so this month I'm doing something a little different. Rather than highlighting three great movies you should watch tonight, I'm channeling a bit of “Jsyn's Vault of the Forgotten and Obscure” and giving you 3 absolutely terrible movies. Three terrible movies from three phenomenal directors. Two are early efforts from Oscar-winning directors Oliver Stone and James Cameron, the other is from Stanley Donen, better known for his big, colorful 50's musicals, like “Singin' In The Rain” and “Seven Brides for Seven Brothers”. All three are highly recognized and immensely talented, but neither was able to pull of a really great horror film. Um, it's some strange coicidence and not intentional that all three of these films are from 1980-81.

The Hand (1981):

Oliver Stone's first big feature film starred Michael Caine (big red flag here already) as a comic strip writer who loses his hand in a car accident. Nobody can seem to find the hand at the scene of the accident, however, the hand does a pretty good job of finding Michael Caine's enemies. Whenever Michael Caine gets a little angry (stiff eyes, staccato line reading, see also “The Swarm”) the hand, still alive, seeks people out and strangles them. It's ridiculous, and it's all taken entirely too seriously and, er, heavy-handed (ho ho ho) that it renders the film stiflingly boring.

Piranha II: The Spawning/Flying Killers/Sushi Gone Wild (1981):

Damn it, 1981 was a bad year to be a struggling up-and-coming talented director as James Cameron would find out on his first feature film. He got himself stuck in an Italian-produced sequel to the Roger Corman produced original. “Piranha” was no big thrill itself, but something about it works (I think it's the scene where the fish attack kids at a summer camp). This one...not so much works. First it has major logic problems, for example, piranha are fresh-water fish, and um...they don't fly. That's right, dear reader, they fly in this movie. Not the jump out of the water and glide kind of flying, full on wing-flapping flying fish. And when do they like the most to fly? After a good, healthy fuck, that's when. You got a movie where the big climatic scene is of horny fish flying through the beach attacking tourists. So, of course, you ask, “Hey, what's not the love about this movie?” Not much, unlike “The Hand” and Donen's movie (we'll get to that in a second), “Piranha II” is mildly entertaining in the so-bad-it's-good way. To Cameron's credit he was fired after the first half of the production. How do you get fired from “Pirahna II: The Spawning”? The film was finished and re-edited by the director of “Tentacles” and “Beyond the Door”.

Saturn 3 (1980):

“Saturn 3” is not a sequel. What business did the director of light, colorful, big-budgeted Hollywood musicals have making a film that wants to ape the style of better, dark sci-fi films from the 70's and 80's? This movie is one big mess. In fact, it was nominated in all major categories at the first Razzie Awards. The movies biggest problem is that it’s boring - really, really, really boring. And for all the money they must have spent it looks damn cheap. Kirk Douglas and Farah Fawcett are the ONLY TWO people on Saturn 3, a space station located near, er, Saturn. The ONLY other person who shows up in the movie is Harvey Keitel, who's pretending to be a spaceship captain that he's actually murdered. He brought along a robot named Hector. A robot named Hector. Hector!! Hector is a bastard. He's going to try to kill Farrah and/or make sweet greasy, hydraulic robot sex with her. I can't tell. There's the brilliant scene where Kirk and Farrah try to get the robot to crash through the floor of the space station so it'll fly off into space, without realizing this will also suck out their air. I remember this best from when I was a kid. WNYW-5 in NY would often show it on Saturday and Sunday afternoons for “The Big Apple Movie”, it bored me then too. - mikec.

An Evening With Jessica Harper: Murder, Mayhem, and Music

This month's Trilogy Pics invite you to slip, slip, slip into your little black dress, throw on some ballet slippers, and sign over your immortal soul for a chance to spend an evening watching 3 films featuring actress Jessica Harper. Her genre pictures are more than unique in that they're all extremely focus on music in some fashion. In Dario Argento's classic ‘Suspiria’, Jessica moves to Europe to study in a dance conservatory run by witches, and her other two genre films, the criminally overlooked ‘Phantom of The Paradise’ and ‘Shock Treatment’ are musicals with horror motifs to them.

Why Jessica Harper isn't a major star today is a mystery. Watching these films over again (and watching Shock Treatment for the first time) I can only guess that while these are excellent films that have stood the test of time, and attained the status of cult and horror classics none of them were really appreciated or truly understood upon their original release. Today you can see Jessica popping up in the occasional TV appearance but she focuses mainly on her success as a singer/songwriter of children's songs.

Suspiria (1977): If I find that a friend doesn't care for the horror genre, or maybe has just never seen an Italian horror film, this is one film I like to whip out. For people who think horror can't be art, who think violent images can't be strangely beautiful this will change their minds. For those who've only experienced pop-horror ‘Suspiria’ is such a powerfully influential film it can be a life-changing experience for the new horror fan. The story is almost secondary to the images that Argento presents. He juxtaposes scenes of incredible violence with scenes that are quiet, skin crawling creepy. There's a fantastic and now classic score by Goblin. The opening scene is heart-attack inducingly violent and shocking, and possibly one of the scariest in modern horror history. It's got a relatively simple story: Jessica Harper is an American dance who comes to Europe to study at a world renowned conservatory. The school happens to be run by a coven of witches (not really giving away much here) who will do anything to protect their secret society. There's been a lot of imitators and cheap retreads, but nothing has ever matched ‘Suspiria’, not even close.

Phantom of the Paradise (1974): There's something specific that I love about Brian DePalma's early films. They're fantastically excessive, but really extremely cinematic. He took a lot of shit back in his day for this excess. It's the kind of excess you hear film school professors warning you against and critics calling cheap. I love it. DePalma is and was known for his use of things like slow motion, split-screen, wild camera angles and tricks. Lots of stuff that if it's misused is distracting and probably cheap, but I never get that feeling when I'm watching DePalma, and especially not with ‘Phantom of the Paradise’. Nobody works the camera like DePalma did in his early days, and this is so evident in this strange horror-musical. The story is a criss-cross and mish-mash of elements from ‘Faust’ and ‘Phantom of the Opera’. Winslow Leech is a hapless singer-songwriter who gets his songs stolen by soulless (literally) music producer Swan. Winslow ends up horribly disfigured and trying whatever he can do stop Swan from using his music to open his rock club ‘The Paradise’. However, when Winslow sees Phoenix, played by Jessica Harper, auditioning he decides she's the only one who can sing his music and insists Swan use her, and her alone, to open his club, or else. The film is an over the top satire of music at the time (taking particular aim at glam rock and the 50's nostalgia trip people were on in the early 70s), but it's got a real fun spirit to it. The original songs are by Paul Williams (who also plays Swan) and they're almost all excellent. Williams would go on to compose film scores, including all the original songs for ‘The Muppet Movie’, and the ‘Love Boat’ theme song. Brian DePalma would direct ‘Carrie’ a few years later (featuring this films set decorator, one Sissy Spacek, in the title role). Considered a terrible flop upon it's initial release, ‘Phantom’ has developed a strong following, and although we still can't seem to get a special edition DVD released in the US there is an excellent region 2 one available.

Shock Treatment (1981): So anyways, I'm watching "Shock Treatment" on my TIVO, it's been showing on the Fox Movie Channel (which shows a significant amount of genre films from the Fox library, almost always in widescreen. Excellent channel if you get it). Ever heard of it? It's the sequel to "Rocky Horror Picture Show". Came out in '81, and was looked upon as favorably by the Rocky Horror fans as your average Michael Bay produced horror-remake. While some loved it, and it does have a following, it probably strayed too far from "RHPS" to connect with those fans. Besides, trying to strike cult-movie gold like that again would have been tough anyway, that's just one of those organic things that kind of has to happen on it own.

Back to the movie--I've watched it about 4-5 times since I caught it one FMC. Now, I'd never seen it before and was always curious, especially since it came with such a stank reputation (10 crap cinema points), was a sequel (20 more points) and it's also one of those extremely rare cinematic animals, the musical sequel (CRAP JACKPOT), and a sequel to a horror musical at that.

I knew a few things about it going in: It's got nothing to do with fishnet tights, transvestites, floating castles, or other wild and untamed things. I knew that the setting was a game show in which Brad and Janet were contestants on and that in this one they were played by Jessica Harper and Cliff DeYoung. I was really drawn to this because of Jessica Harper. Also returning were Richard O'Brien (acting and writing), Patricia Quinn, Charles Gray, and that screechy chick who wore the sparkley top hat.

It's a very, very strange movie and years ahead of it time (well, as "ahead of it's time" as a chintzy 80's movie could be). It takes place entirely in the TV studio of "D-TV", Denton's local television station. Brad and Janet, whose marriage is on the rocks, are in the studio audience for the taping of the days shows when they are selected to participate in a game-show called "Marriage Maze". It's hard to write out the rest of the plot because it's going to make very little sense out of the context of this movie, but I'll try: On the game show Brad and Janet are separated. Brad is secretly drugged and taken away to be treated by TV doctors on another show, while the D-TV station manager tries to steal Janet away from Brad by turning her into an instant star.

It's awfully bizarre, and truthfully it's even hard to follow. Story wise, "Shock Treatment" lives up to it's reputation of being an absolute mess. I could not follow it the first time through, but one thing was perfectly clear: I really liked the look of the film, how it was directed, and the songs were brilliantly catchy and I couldn't get them out of my head (especially one called "Bitchin' In The Kitchen").

The look and direction of this film was really interesting. Since it takes place in a TV studio and on TV shows, the whole thing was shot in soundstages on these very exaggerated, sometimes garish sets. Everything, rightfully so, looks artificial, thin, and it gives the film a fantastic surreal feel to it. Adding to this is the way it was shot, which alternates from film and video. For example, one musical number is shot partially to match the frame of a TV set. Sometimes when the characters are addressing the studio audience they shoot it so it looks like you're looking at television monitor. It's interesting, this is both "Shock Treatment"'s strength and it's fatal flaw. It's design and cinematography are so busy it really draws you away from what's going on otherwise in the movie.

However, as far as "bad" movie musicals goes you could honestly do much worse than "Shock Treatment". Ever seen The Blue Bird or Grease 2? I mean, bad musicals are a strange passion of mine because they're often so hilariously unwatchable that the biggest shock I got out of this is how on the cusp of being really good this film was. It's almost a shame that it did so poorly upon release because it's obvious that O'Brien and Jim Sharman were two extremely talented guys. After this failed to catch on they never made another film again and I can't help but think we've missed out on something there. If it were released today it would probably be looked on as brilliant satire of reality TV (and that's where it seems ahead of it's time).

I still can't stop watching it, and I'm really excited to picking up the DVD when it comes out since it's going to include a lot of extras about the making of the film. I'm really curious what was going on with O'Brien when he wrote this. I mean, it strays so far from "Rocky Horror" that you have to agree with the original marketing for "Shock Treatment" in that it's not really a sequel. It's not really an equal either, but certainly joins the ranks of some terribly overlooked films (I'm told even a lot of RHPS fans never knew there was a sequel). Hopefully, 25 years later, "Shock Treatment" can really find, outside of a handful of fans, an wider audience to appreciate it's weirdness. - mikec.

TRILOGY PICS: Great Horror Anthologies

Masters of Horror has returned short horror to the small screen, but there have been dozens of theatrically or feature length horror anthology films released. Most seem to have been made between the 60s and the 80s, and they’ve rarely been met with any sort of success, commercially or critically. It’s much easier to take your short horror in the form of a TV series like “Masters”, “Tales From The Crypt/Darkside”, “Twilight Zone”. For a theatrical audience, it’s sometimes a bit much to ask them to invest in 3 or more stories and sets of characters over the course of 90-120 minutes. Still, while many horror anthologies can be cheap, low-budget, and mostly ineffective collections of short films, there have been a select few that really go the distance. Here are a few really excellent anthology films to check out. Not every chapter in each is a winner, but most have a two, maybe even one chapter that makes the whole film worth seeing. Hey, think of it as a bonus Trilogy Picks, instead of just three movies, why not enjoy 10 tonight instead!

Twice-Told Tales: There was only one Vincent Price, so getting 3 distinct Vincent Price performances in one film is, well, priceless. You really get to see what an extraordinary actor Mr. Price was, and what a ridiculously vast range he had. Even though he mostly plays the baddie here, it’s great fun watching him play the antagonist 3 different ways. The film is based on three stories from Nathaniel Hawthorne, “Dr. Heidegger’s Experiment”, “Rappaccini’s Daughter”, and “The House of Seven Gables”.

The first, “Dr. Heidegger” involves three friends and woman who have seemingly discovered a youth-inducing elixir. “Rappaccini’s Daughter” is the absolute standout of the three and features Price as a demented scientist who’s done something truly, awful to his beautiful daughter, rendering her poisonous to anyone who tries to touch her. “The House of the Seven Gables” is the weakest of the three, mostly because it condenses a long novel into a short film. Price plays the tormented Gerald Pyncheon. Curiously enough, Price starred in a feature-length version of “Seven Gables” 23 years earlier, playing the younger Charles Pyncheon.

Creepshow: Here’s a title that you should all be familiar with, but no horror anthology night could be complete without it. It’s probably the finest example of how to make this sort of thing work. Director George Romero paired with writer Stephen King to a film that looked, felt, and flowed like an old 50’s era horror comic book, like “Tales from the Crypt” or “The Vault of Horror”. Not adaptations of any of those books, the stories are all originals. Those comics had already been directly adapted a few years earlier by a British studio. They were admirable efforts with great casts and directors (in front of the camera Peter Cushing, Joan Collins, and behind the camera the great Freddie Francis), but they decidedly were a very British version of an American artform. They just didn’t get the look and feel down right and they look, appropriately, like well-made 70’s British horror films.

King and Romero decided to make their comic-book inspired film act the part. The stories are sufficiently wacky:

“Father’s Day” involves a lovely family reunion with the guest of honor being Nathan Grantham, who’s been dead for 10 years. This segment’s got a great cast with including a young Ed Harris, and the late Viveca Lindfors as wacky “Aunt Bediela”.

“The Lonesome Death of Jordy Verill” features Stephen King himself as the title character who’s gradually overcome by weeds and fungus from outerspace. Ok, so maybe it wasn’t a good idea to cast non-actor King, virtually alone on screen for 20 some odd minutes. A lot of people are harsh on this segment, but really all Stephen King is required to do as an “actor” in this one is look stupid, make a bunch of stupid faces. It’s over the top and campy, but this is supposed to be a comic book film. Sure Viveca Lindfors method’s it up in the “Father’s Day” segment but that wasn’t really necessary here. It plays out fine, and it’s all rather funny.

“Something to Tide You Over” is a classic adultery-revenge tale with an undead twist at the end. It features a pre-“Cheers” Ted Danson and a just post-“Airplane” Leslie Neilsen as two men in love with the same woman. Leslie plays a bit of a heavy here, that’s interesting to watch, and you get to see what Ted Danson looks like in Tom Savini’s zombie makeup!

“The Crate” is about a “something” that’s been living in, you guessed it, a crate that’s been hidden under a stairwell in the research building at a prestigious university. This “something” hails from Antartica, hence the fur, and is very hungry, hence the enormous teeth. Hal Holbrook plays a man who’s had a bitch too, um, I mean a bit too much of his dear wife, “Billie” (Adrienne Barbeau, who bravely takes on the role of an insulting, drunk, unpleasant, ugly wife. The role was far from type, as she was considered something of a sex symbol at the time).

“They’re Creeping Up On You” is a virtual soliloquy of paranoia for the late E.G. Marshall. He hates dirt, and he really hates bugs so he’s locked himself up in a virtually sanitized prison. It’s unfortunate that he’s forgotten to pay the exterminator this month. This one has an ending that literally makes the movie. So entirely sick and demented this entire segment is often cut out of network TV showings.

The segments are tied up in a wraparound story about a young kid (played by Stephen King’s son Joe) who’s dad isn’t too fond of horror comics. The really great thing about “Creepshow”, besides the writing and performances being so strong is it’s really fantastic how Romero designed the thing to look. There’s a lot of use of strange camera angles, fantastic and colorful lighting, comic-book style framing pops up from time to time to move the story along. It’s got the feel and look of the old-style horror comics down perfectly, and rather than feel gimmicky or intrusive, it works to make “Creepshow” feel cohesive, something horror anthologies often fail miserably to do.

Kwaidan:I’m no huge fan of current Japanese horror. Sorry guys, I just don’t get them. This however is Japanese horror from 1964, and ok, it’d probably be a challenge to sit through all 183 minutes, but your patience will be rewarded. The film is a beautiful work of supernatural art. There are four separate stories, “The Black Hair”, involving a samurai who leaves his wife for another richer woman. He eventually wants to be taken back, and she promises to stay with him, forever, horror-movie style of course. The story in “The Woman of the Snow” is probably familiar to you if you’ve seen another horror anthology “Tales from the Darkside”. This is the original Japanese version of the “Lover’s Vow” segment of that film, to say anymore would give away too much of my favorite segment. Next story is “Hoichi”, about a singing monk who’s music is so beautiful the spirits of the demand, at high cost, he sing to them at night. Finally, the film ends with “In A Cup Of Tea”, about another samurai who keeps seeing a spirit, and cannot seem to fight him. You probably won’t find much that’s very scary in “Kwaidan”, but it’s extremely interesting to at least once experience this beautiful film, at least to see a bit of where Japanese horror comes from. -mikec.

A Trilogy Pics Salute To USA UP! All Night

My parents and Gilbert Gottfried are largely responsible for my perpetual insomnia and love of horror films. Growing up my parents imposed a strict 9pm bedtime (with a weekly 9:30pm exception for “Doogie Howser MD”) on school nights. Not that I ever slept much anyway with them letting me rent gems like “Friday the 13 th, part II” from the local video store, and allowing my childhood literary favorites to become titles like, “Cujo” and “The Dark Half”. Oh, what I wouldn’t give for a normal childhood, growing up on “Ninja Turtles” and “Goosebumps” books. Never mind, besides the delightfully “R” rated media that I was allowed access too, I was also allowed one small luxury: Absolutely no bedtime on Friday and Saturday. I mean, as a kid I was totally stuck on low-budget late night horror television. Everything from “Forever Knight”, the short-lived NBC anthology series “Ghost Story”, reruns of “Friday the 13 th: The Series”. My favorite late-night programming however were the awful, “Vault worthy” crap cinema classics shown on cable network USA.

Sure, sure, USA wants you to believe its all Emmy-worthy programming these days with its “Monk”, “The Dead Zone”. All good shows, mind you, but I miss its chintzy days. “The USA Cartoon Express”, which was this 2-3 hour block of cartoons that someone pulled out of Hanna and or Barbara’s trash bin, was worthy junk TV. So was it’s woefully inept “Club MTV” knock off, “Dance Party USA”, which was an all-big hair, totally 80’s dance-o-rama. There were the crap made-for-cable films like the Joanna Cassidy vehicle “Wheels of Terror”, a film that ripped off “Duel”, “Christine”, and “The Car” and also the only horror film I know that stars a driverless, child-molesting 1974 black Dodge Charger. Neat!

They also had a weekend late-night line up called “USA Up All Night”. It was probably one of the last great late-night movie programs. The show was hosted, if I remember, on Friday night’s by Gilbert Gottfried, on Saturday, by Rhonda Shear. In between the movies, they’d host various skits, sadly the only one I remember was Rhonda Shear’s Date With Jason Voorhees. As funny and goofy as the hosts were, it’s the movies from “Up All Night” I remember most. So this month the trilogy pics are 3 of my favorite films that used to pop up fairly frequently.

So, New York, I’m your host, Mike C. and you’re watching USA “UP!” All Night. This week on Up All Night first we have “Eat and Run”, followed by “Neon Maniacs”, and finally, for those of you still awake, it’s “A Polish Vampire In Burbank”

Eat and Run:

Ron Silver…the man spends the early part of the 80’s working with legendary director Sidney Lumet. He pals around with Oscar winning actresses Meryl Streep and Cher in “Silkwood”. Then, in 1986, he does a turn in this absolutely bizarre horror-comedy. An outer-space creature named “ Murray” ends up in NY. Murray eats Italian. Italian people. This is the one big joke in the movie. Murray is an extremely obsese alien played by R.L. Ryan (The Toxic Avenger, Street Trash) whose first encounter on Earth is with an Italian cab driver that he, well, eats. After that he’s stuck on piasanos and it’s up to Ron Silver to stop him. If I remember correctly, this movie somehow involves a zeppoli stand, and a heroine laced drug dealer. Haven’t seen it in years, but it’s absolutely worth tracking down if you can.

Neon Maniacs:

This one actually scared me. When I was 7. It doesn’t hold up so well, because it’s one of those things where you get the movie stuck in your head, and you change the plot around so it fits your demented idea of a good movie. Except when you’re 27 and you see it again you think to yourself, “Ah, crap, what the hell is this shit?”. So, the movie I saw when I was 7 was about these creatures that lived under the Golden Gate Bridge. Really nasty bastards that would come out at night and kill you up real good. Then they’d steal your body and you’d become one of them. They were also allergic to water. Ok, so here’s the movie “Neon Maniacs” actually is: These alien creatures live under the Golden Gate Bridge. They come out at night and kill you something fierce. They don’t steal bodies. However, they’re still allergic to water, except now I don’t quite understand why they’d want to live under a bridge. They’ve never seen “Signs”, apparently. Still, it’s got some pretty nifty gore scenes in it, like a girl getting decapitated while giving a hummer, and the last reel when the maniacs break into a prom or something has some memorable shots. It’s also got homicidal aliens being dispatched by water pistols, so there ya go. Swing away, Merrill!

A Polish Vampire In Burbank:

If any film captures the spirit of the crap that USA Up All Night showed it’s this one. From the inappropriately long title featuring a monster and a location (see other Up All Night classics such as “Beverly Hills Vamp”, “A Nymphoid Barbarian in Dinosaur Hell”, Cannibal Women in the Avacado Jungle of Death”, “Sorority Babes in the Slimeball Bowl-O-Rama”), it’s also so deliriously low-budget it was shot on 8mm and for a measly $5,000. Still, it’s not that bad. It’s even got Eddie Deezen (“Grease”, “Assault of the Killer Bimbos”). And it’s about…well, read the title. It’s silly, lots of bad puns, but if you’re looking for some classic NO-budget 80’s nonsense, if you got a thrill out recent crap like “Jesus Christ Vampire Hunter” this is the movie for you. –mike.

July 2006 Trilogy Pics

David Cronenberg is amazing and one of my favorite directors. I mean, have you ever seen him lately? He looks like the kind of guy who makes the movies he does. The brushed back gray hair, the owlish glasses, and his peculiar speech. His early films are filled with themes of psychology, twisted sex, and there he is - looking like a demented psychotherapist. He even played one in “Nightbreed”! I wouldn’t let this guy analyze the contents of my grilled cheese sandwich, let alone my subconscious.

The Brood: Rarely have I heard horror fans speak in reverence of “The Brood”. I think it’s easily the creepiest and outright scariest of his early films. A blend of themes explored in Scanner and Shivers: Oliver Reed is an on-the-fringe psychologist whose method includes training his patient’s bodies to physically react to their past traumas while role-plays out the scenarios for him. For example, in the first scene of the film Reed takes on the role of a hypnotized patient’s father, causing lesions and welts to appear over the man’s body. The effect is supposed to be temporary, however his patients appear to grow addicted to the procedure. Oh yea, one other problem: His “star” patient (Samatha Eggar)…well, her anger unfortunately manifests itself not as welts and bruises. Her anger comes in the form of an increasing number of creepy albino children in snowsuits who are awfully handy with a hammer, awfully handy. She’s locked away at Reed’s institute, but if she gets angry at you during one of his sessions—lock the doors. It sounds ridiculous, I know it does, it even sounds downright confusing. It’s not either, because in Cronenberg’s very capable hands “The Brood” at times is horrifyingly effective. The first scene where members of “the brood” attack should be held as one of the scariest moments in horror. It’s not what you don’t or do see, but how Cronenberg choose not to let you see it (check out the shot when one of the little monsters is on top of the fridge, I get chills just thinking about it).  Finally, and typically of early Cronenberg, when you’ve had enough scares he whips out the brilliantly disgusting and twisted conclusion. I wouldn’t even dream of spoiling that one for you, but I assure you, its fetus licking good.

Videodrome: One of Dave’s better known early works, but again, probably not as widely seen as it should be. It’s a more difficult and challenging film, and it actually took me a few tries over the years to finally sit it out. James Woods is set into investigating a satellite TV feed that looks to be authentic snuff and torture film footage. He gets a videotape of it and soon enough it’s clear there’s more being broadcast than you can see. Something about this begins to affect his mind, and the minds of anyone else that’s watched it. This one is hard to explain, but let’s say things start to get weird for Mr. Woods. Weird like...crazy body piercing sex sessions with Debbie “Blondie” Harry and strange hallucinations like the TV trying to suck you in (no, there are not midget psychics in “Videodrome”). There’s a very uneasy tone throughout this one, much in the way some of his more recent films like “Crash” or “Spider” have been.

Scanners: If you’re having yourself a triple feature screening of Cronenberg’s earlier work, then why not top it all off with ‘Scanners’? Within the first 15 minutes of ‘Scanners’, you’ll get one of, if not THE best head explosions in cinematic history. There are 237 “scanners” in the world. These are people with telekinetic abilities that stemmed from an experimental drug their mother’s took during pregnancy. In a nutshell, all they have to do is think really, really hard… and your head will explode. And to make matters worse, Michael Ironside is one of them. And he’s a bad guy. This is probably the only Cronenberg film to spawn 4 sequels! (All of which aren’t all that bad! Yes, Even ‘Scanner Cop’!) So, there you have it. ‘Til next month … -mikec.

Often genre films from 40+ years ago don't retain their effectiveness on a modern audience. Especially if they're in black and white, with no real special effects, and are of the too often hokey haunted house genre. The 1963 adaptation of the Shirley Jackson novel "The Haunting of Hill House" however remains highly effective terror.

For one, it's just a great story and setup: Hill House has a history of death, violence, and misery. 90 years after it's built, it's a haunted legend and a paranormal investigator wants to see if he can't stir something up. He recruits two women, Theo, a psychic, and Eleanor, a 30-something neurotic with a history of poltergeist phenomena. Also staying is Luke, a non-believer who's set to inherit Hill House. Everything in Hill House is built wrong. The house is purposely designed to be an angle off here, an inch off there. Doors close by themselves because they're off-center, iron staircases are barely screwed into the walls. Nobody will come near the place after dark, even the housekeepers leave promptly at 6pm. All this sets up great atmosphere for the ghostly happenings to come in the film.

When they do come it's loud, crashing noises, objects moving, doors that breathe. It's all very low-tech, but under the hand of director Robert Wise ("The Sound of Music", "Star Trek: The Motion Picture"), and thanks to the performances of Julie Harris and Claire Bloom the nights in Hill House are incredibly creepy and unnerving. During its scary scenes you can see how parts of this film were almost transposed shot-for-shot into Sam Raimi's "Evil Dead" films. I was utterly amazed to find myself lowering into my seat waiting for the next shock and scare. The 1999 remake of this film relied on impressive sets and special effects to try to drum up scares and came across campy and
unintentionally funny. This version is much more serious in tone, and very scary. It should be in every horror fans DVD collection.

The Innocents (1961)

The 60's were a good time for these kinds of movies, I guess. Two years before "The Haunting" came "The Innocents". Based on a novel, this time Henry James' classic ghost story "The Turn Of The Screw" with a screenplay by the noted Truman Capote ("In Cold Blood", "Breakfast at Tiffany's"). This film is a bit slower in pace than something like "The Haunting", but the real star of the picture are the performances of two creepy kids and the great black and white cinematography by Freddie Francis ("The Elephant Man", "Dune", and Scorsese "Cape Fear").

"The Innocents" concerns Deborah Kerr as a woman who becomes the nanny to two children. She becomes convinced either there is something wrong with the children, the house is haunted, or both. If you were a fan of 2003's creepy "The Others", than you'd probably be very interested in this. Also-if you're a fan of this story you might also want to check out 1972's "The Nightcomers", a prequel of sorts to "Turn of the Screw" starring a very "screwy" Marlon Brando.

Burnt Offerings (1976):

Look, "Burnt Offerings" isn't really a very good movie. Slow, a little dullish, maybe not the best performances Oliver Reed or Bette Davis ever gave. In fact, for this month's pics the third ghost story was going to be "The Entity", but then I read that "Burnt Offerings" director and "Dark Shadows" creator Dan Curtis passed away. This is to honor a horror legend. In "Burnt Offerings" Karen Black, Oliver Reed, along with their son, and mother (Bette Davis) rent a country house from Burgess Meredith. Well, they've never seen the "The Sentinel" and don't know that Burgess Meredith and real estate-not such a great idea. The decrepit house and its dead vegetation gradually begin to come to life, as the family inhabiting gradually begin to psychologically and physically deteriorate. There are some neat bits in the film involving a killer swimming pool and a creepy hearse driver, but that's about it. Most distracting is the photography. It's filmed in a supposedly artsy fuzzy "dreamlike" style that looks like somebody kept touching the camera lens. It was apparently a hit when originally released, and is something of a cool '70's pop-horror relic. Not highly recommended, but if you can catch it on cable this month you could do worse than waste
90 minutes with it.

Honorable Mention:

The Entity (1981): As mentioned above this was one of my original pics. I was stuck, but this isn't exactly a "classy" film, as the subject matter revolves around an invisible "entity" that repeatedly attacks and rapes Barbara Hershey. So.I had to pass on this month. However, it is a much scarier ghost story than something like "Burnt Offerings". A highly recommended film that remains criminally overlooked by horror fans. More on this in future Trilogy pic. - mikec.