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What began my obsession
with her? She's old enough to be my grandmother. Maybe it's
her exotic European background? I'll tell you this, she's one
hard to kill German lady. She'd spent some 40 years on the sea,
by herself, no one to take care of her, treat her the way only
a real man could. A real man like George Kennedy, perhaps?
God, I could always sense how lonely she was. I don't know what
sparked this deep affection I had for her, to be honest. I only
know that I have always been in love with her. Met her granddaughter
once, and while I can say she had her moments I found her mostly
boring and contrived. Sorry, “Ghost Ship”, there's only
room for one true love in my life, even if she kept slipping
right through my fingers. I knew someday we'd be together, someday,
“Death Ship”, someday.
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I first met her
as a child, when she came to the New York area on occasion through
the local ABC affiliate. She'd spent some late-nights babysitting
me. At first I trembled at the sight of her. The long rusty
chains, breakaway ladders, the disembodied Nazi voices that
rang through her from bow to stern. Then she…went away. A victim
of infomercials on car wax, late-night syndicated reruns of
“Cops”, and the 3am repeat of the 11:00 news. She sailed
away from me, taking her blood-filled showers, the face-melting
candy, and pounding engine pistons.
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| As I grew older,
I longed to see her just once more. I thought I caught a glimpse
of her once at the local supermarket that rented tapes. I began
to forget about her as I met the new loves of my life. The one's
that didn't spend their lives ever called back to the sea. I fell
for new loves. Lovers that could be depended on, the ones you
always knew would be over there on Elm Street waiting,
the summers would come and I knew I'd find my friends over Crystal
Lake (admittedly these were short-lived friendships with tragic
endings). |
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Fate would soon bring us together. I
was in my early 20's, living in frozen Central New York, right on the
shores of Lake Ontario. There was a horrible blizzard one night. Lake
effect snow bands came one after the other. No chance of driving anywhere,
my car was buried under 4 feet of the stuff. I was going crazy—I needed
something, I needed entertainment. So, I bundled up real good and decided
to take a walk to Red's Video. It was less than a mile away, and they
were thankfully still open. I could barely see two feet ahead of myself
in the whiteout conditions, and more than once slipped and fell on the
icy sidewalks. When I finally made it to Red's I was a mess. The clerk
behind the counter snapped at me, “Your eyebrows are frozen!”
Thanks, lady.
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I headed over to the
horror section and could it be…of course! How could I forget her?
That skull faced stern poking out of the fog, those 7 unfortunate
survivors on the raft in front of her. I took her home, we spent
the snowy evening together, catching up on old times. “Oh,
you haven't changed a bit!” I said. There you are ramming
that cruise ship like it was yesterday, those showers—still bloody,
that candy—still face-meltingly good. It was to be a bittersweet
reunion, though. Like any sailor on leave, she was gone by the
morning. |
| For nearly half a
decade I wouldn't see her again. I grew bitter as I dragged myself
from horror convention to horror convention. “Do you have Death
Ship?”. Ha! Denied, laughed at, given the condescending eye
of horror fans with their Argento and their Fulci,
with their Japanese techno-thrillers, and their soft-core lesbian
horror epics. Truly—was there no room for rusty boats and George
Kennedy anymore? But this year I held out hope… |
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MonsterMania. May.
2006. Friday night. The show had only opened minutes earlier and
I rushed in. “I have a feeling, tonight Rob G., I've got this
sense that she'll be there.”. Oh…good friends…and there she
was. Some good friends of mine, knowing my struggle over the years,
had taken the time to track her down. God bless Plan
9 Productions. There my baby was, sitting
at their table. The skull-faced grin still firmly planted on her
stern. I said to her, “I've waited years for this”. She said nothing.
She didn't have to. I picked her up and said, “Let's spend another
evening together sometime.” |
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